There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
