At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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