I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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