We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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