just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
