i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
