my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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