Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
