I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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