After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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