...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
