why didn't you poke me back
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
