I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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