just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
