ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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