its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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