:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
