Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
