She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
