Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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