Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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