Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
smell my finger.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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