Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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