I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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