God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
