so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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