You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
