yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hippo gnu deer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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