I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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