What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
