I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
