you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Congratulations! We have a period
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
