Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
