I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
