Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
