Plan B is the new Plan A
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
