i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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