***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's rum buckets o'clock
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
