And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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