Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
