oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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