what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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