in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
