Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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