dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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