Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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