we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
