I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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