is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
