I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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